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My first thought this morning was, “Well, I guess I should just quit my job.”

I slept like shit last night. Every time I would get comfortable, that position would start being painful. Decided on working from home and just emailing my boss explaining that I had pinched my sciatic nerve while on vacation. Unfortunately, I either forgot my laptop password or it expired while I was out of the office, so I had to come in anyways. Ended up logging in 2 hours late.

Walking from the parking garage to my desk was the longest I’ve walked in a week, and was still pretty painful. Every Monday, we have a training class at 9am, which my boss reminded me about when I emailed him to let him know I’d be late. Luckily, it was cancelled this morning. I did recieve an email while I was out about not bringing laptops to the training classes anymore. I don’t know if it was specifically about me, but I can’t imagine it wasn’t partly about me. Long story short; I don’t learn by having someone talk at me for two hours. My time is better spent working than staring at the teacher/falling asleep. Oh well.

I’ve only gone outside to smoke twice. I forgot my cigarettes at home, but I have my new e-cig machine. I’ve been using it at my desk all day, though. Walking has become way more bearable over the course of the day, so I’ve got that going for me.

I still feel like I have no idea what I’m doing at work, though. I’m not sure how much of that is being gone for two weeks, or actually not knowing anything. Either way, I wish I had the option to find a new job. Unfortunately, with bills and child support, it’s not realistic to take a pay cut.

Those 17 days were fantastic, though. I needed that shit.

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Just because I liked something at one point in time doesn’t mean I’ll always like it, or that I have to go on liking it at all points in time as an unthinking act of loyalty to who I am as a person, based solely on who I was as a person. To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think.

Jarod Kintz (via liberatingreality)
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